// Dear Diary: I Have PCOS, But I'll Never Be PCOS

Well, this explains why you haven’t had your period in seven months. You have PCOS.

A tall, thin middle-aged lady with curly blonde hair, my midwife, Linda, continued to keep her eyes—which were masked by reading glasses—on the laptop screen in front of her. I immediately broke down in tears as I lay on that cold, hard table with my legs spread in the stirrups. My mother was in the room with me, too, teary-eyed and saddened by my reaction to the news. I had read about polycystic ovarian syndrome and all that it does to women. I read stories of women who never had babies and would never become mothers. Hearing Linda tell me that PCOS is super common and that many women have it didn’t make me feel any better. In a sort of dazed stupor, I sent Brian a text:

I have PCOS.

It all started to make sense. In 2013, when I was 22, I started to grow little and few hairs on the bottom part of my chin, close to my neck. Having refused to shave it, someone had pointed it out at a Memorial Day barbeque, laughing, telling me that I needed to pluck the few hairs. I was humiliated, so I went ahead and shaved the hairs. Now, I’ve got to shave my chin almost every day. Since 2014, I’ve gained about 50 pounds. I won’t blame my weight-gain solely on the PCOS, but I’d say it played a huge part in the process. I was also feeling comfortable—I’d moved in with hubby, and I was happy and in love. In January 2014, my periods had started to come later and later, and in August, they stopped coming all together. I knew something was wrong, but I refused to think it was anything that would have such an effect on me. There was NO WAY it could be PCOS.

So, that all being said, I was prescribed some birth control and sent on my way. I wasn’t happy to be going on it, but I knew that it had to be done. Linda also said that taking birth control will regulate me and make it easier to conceive when I am actually ready. When I got home, Brian could immediately tell that I didn’t take the news so well. He hugged me and told me not to worry; that we’d get through it together.


with love,

holly ✨